i saw mark last night. when i saw him i ran right up to him and hugged him. i love our hugs, really. they’re always long and tight and he makes me feel secure and safe. we were paranoid the whole time of who saw us, he wasn’t even supposed to be at the camp out. and god forbid my dad see us. only judd, jeff and kyle know we’re dating. he had to leave at midnight and i kept wondering if and how he was going to kiss me. it all happened so fast, honestly i’m a bit disappointed. we walking and all of a sudden he just stops me and goes in for the kill. the first time he missed and we laughed about it and then he tried a second time, again so fast i didn’t even have time to process what was going on. he pressed his lips against mine and really, that’s all it felt like. there was no spark, or moment of passion. it was really dark and i couldn’t even see his face.
it’s really worrying me that i didn’t feel anything, because i really like mark. or so i thought…
i’m scared that i jumped into everything too fast without evaluating my feelings first. i don’t want to hurt him. he says he feels emotionally connected to me. he feels like i understand him. but i’m not sure if i feel the same way about him.
i really don’t need this right now. i have enough fucking stress in my life I HATE BEING A GODDAMN FUCKING TEENAGER UGH
Relationships
111- The last person you hugged? sundas and jackie
112- Who was your first kiss with? lean
113- Do you like kissing in public? i don’t mind it
114- Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yeah
115- You have a preference for boys or girls? boyssss
116- Is the male or female body closest to perfection? maleee!
117- Do you believe in love at first sight? nope
118- Do you believe in soul mates? eh
119- What is your idea of the perfect date? watching movies all day and cuddling
120- Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend: he just has trust me completely, but still be a bit possessive over me, he has to know how to lead. he has to respect me and treat me well. but most of all he has to be honest with me.
121- What is the first thing you noticed in someone? smile
122- Are looks important in a relationship? i would say so.
123- What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? lol height.
124- What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? i think a lot of people freak out over it when you’re younger, like teens. but when you’re like 30 it’ll hardly matter.
125- Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? i have.
126- Five guys/girls whom you find attractive: mark, matt weyer, scott zhang, anthony and jon delafuente
127- Do you have a crush on anyone? markkkkkkkk :)
128- A description of the girl/boy you like: he has dark brown hair and blue eyes. i come up to his shoulder. he used to be a wrestler. he plays the french horn and he’s amazing at it.
129- Say 1 fact about the person you like: he goes to a different school.
130- If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? i would ask him if he was serious about her.
131- When was the last time you told someone you loved them? so about an hour ago i told mark i think i might be in love with him.
132- Do you think someone has feelings for you? mark once again :)
133- Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? probably still mark.
134- Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? oh yes.
135- Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? of course.
136- Anyone you’re giving up on? i don’t have to. :)
137- Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? oh hey it’s mark again
138- Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? lol yes.
139- Have you ever liked one of your best friends? its still mark guys
140- Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yes.
141- Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? camille and mark.
142- Is there someone you will never forget? yes.
143- Say five ways to win your heart: respect me. trust me. make me feel beautiful. have fun with me. make me laugh.
144- What turns you on? him looking directly into my eyes.
145- What turns you off? clingyness
146- What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? manhandling me.
147- What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? um
148- What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? surprise me for my birthdayyyy
149- Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Have you had one written for you? nope and nope
150- What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? um
151- Are you in love? i might be.
152- Are you in a relationship? yup/
153- If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? he’s so open with me.
154- Are relationships ever worth it? the ones i’ve been in have.
155- Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? i don’t really think anyone knows.
156- Can you commit to one person? yes.
157- Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? i have.
158- Do you ever want to get married? yess
159- Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? nope
160- Future names of your children: boys: Aiden, Liam, Parker lolol idek for girls woops
161- Do you get jealous easily? depends on the person
162- The last time you felt jealous, and why? couple days ago; because mark’s prom date is preeeeeety
163- What is your definition of cheating? feeling the need to hide relations with the opposite sex
164- Have you ever been cheated on? yes.
165- Do you forgive betrayal? i used to.
166- Have you ever cheated on someone? no.
167- Why did your last relationship fail? i wasn’t completely over my first love.
168- Things you want to say to an ex: Lean: i’m so sorry it ended the way it did. i loved you, you know what. i just couldn’t take it anymore. there are so many things you lied to me about, i was scared of getting hurt. i lost myself in trying to keep up with your emotional abuse. i really honestly do hope that you’re happy. Izac: you didn’t deserve to be treated the way i treated you. i was just screwed up over lean and i kept comparing you to him when i should have been trying to move on. you were nothing but sweet to me and i’m so so sorry i couldn’t be there for you.
169- A description of the person you dislike the most: oh. i don’t have time to go down the list.
170- If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? no. i can honestly say now that i don’t think i would.
171- How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? mark is my 3rd.
172- How long was your longest relationship? 8 months.
173- You’ll love me if…: what i don’t understand this what
174- Share a relationship story: nah
week 1: just got off period. fuck yes.
week 2: ovulation. cramps. bloating. fatigue. fuck life.
week 3: PMS. moody crazy bitch with no restraint on food
week 4: blood. blood. blood.repeat.
hooray for 1 good week a month for the next fucking 30 years.
i went to school without my bracelets today. i mean it’s no big deal, my scars aren’t really visible. you have to really look at my arm to see them, but i mean, it just felt so freeing.
